The Hyberdater

Remember that really cool friend you had? That bitch that was always down to party no matter what night of the week it was? That bitch who was your ultimate WINGWOMAN and would do anything for a good time? That bitch who made fun of other couples and thought PDA was gross and never wanted to be in a relationship? The bitch that can't even count how many BROS she's fucked in her short lifetime thus far? NOW SHE HAS A MAN.

Not only do you never ever see this HYBERDATER anymore, but when she does decide to call, you know all you're going to hear about is her NAUSEATING stories as if this delusional newly boring wall-flower thinks her relationship is straight out of "Gone With the Wind".

This may sound like single-girl jealousy, but what it really is, is REAL TALK. There is NOTHING worse than the couple who is clearly so far off in their imaginary land that you're positive they must be on a permanent acid trip. If you say "I love you" after one week and are already planning your wedding 10 years before it should even be spoken about, EVERYBODY HATES YOU. Get over yourselves, come out of your love-cave and learn how to interact with human beings again because once your significant other cheats on you with some home-wrecking slut, all you're going to have left is your vibrator and a long list of people who DON'T GIVE A FUCK that you've finally decided to crawl out of your man's asshole and join the real world again.