The Forced Friend

Every group of friends has that one person that just doesn’t belong. The one who everyone thought was cool at first, but ended up being a fun-sucking, Debbie downer, negative Nancy type BITCH. This person is your typical walking anxiety attack. Every time they enter a room, the aura suddenly drops from chill to fucking MISERABLE. You immediately start brainstorming ways to force-feed yourself Xanax in order to avoid the painstaking anxiety you are about to endure, all because of this person's mere presence.  

At first, the FORCED FRIEND seemed legit for a number of reasons. Maybe this person has a shitload of cash-flow and they swipe mommy and daddy's credit cards (obviously all platinum) like it's their job. Who wouldn't want someone like that around when you’re a cheap Jew or just a plain old moocher? Or maybe at first they seemed to know how to party like it was fucking 1999 and you thought to yourself, I could def use a friend who will go out on a Monday night with an 8 AM class the next day. But let’s face it, no matter how hard someone can party, if the girl SUCKS ASS, it’s not even worth using her for shit like this. 

Regardless, eventually you've realized that this person is an utter nuisance to be around, but now they're already part of the group. So what do you do in this situation? If you're nice, you act just as fake as they really are and you deal with it. To those people, AMEN, it takes a lot of willpower to keep your mouth shut when this clueless airhead makes ignorant comment number 300 of the day. But to all the BITCHES out there...in this situation you invite the FORCED FRIEND to all of the usual social events and once they arrive, you ignore the shit out of them. You watch them try to interact with people and you shamelessly get your own sick, but justified, entertainment out of watching them fail miserably.

What I'll never understand is how the FORCED FRIEND never gets the fucking hint and FUCKS OFF like everyone so obviously wants them to. If you are unfortunate enough to have to socially interact with one of these ULTIMATE FORCED FRIENDS, the only way to get rid of them is to laugh at their DUMB comments (but make sure they know you are laughing AT THEM not WITH THEM), ignore their IRRITATING presence (BLATANTLY), and realize that you are better than them. Unless in fact you are them and you're reading this and still don't fucking get it. Sit back, evaluate yourself, and get a fucking REALITY CHECK before it smacks you in the face like one of "The Real Housewives" at a reunion show.