Beware of the FRAT ATTACK!

Do you remember those amazing frat parties in college where girls acted like whores and guys reaped the benefits? Yeah, neither do I. These common cases of amnesia are not because we’re getting older and our memory is disintegrating. No. This is because frat boys most likely roofied your deliciously dangerous drink commonly known today as Jungle Juice.

Jung-le Juice

(juhn-gul jue-ce)
–noun
1. the name given to a improvised mix of liquor that is usually served for group consumption.
2. mixtures containing large quantities of hard alcohol and a variety of fruit juices.
 i.e.: Everclear, rum, gin, tequila, vodka, and whiskey, mixed with orange, grapefruit, cranberry, grape, pineapple or other juices for flavor. YUMMY!

Girls usually have a love/hate relationship with Jungle Juice since you get fucked up from about half as many calories than you normally would intake, it tastes quite yummy, and it’s free. However, the after-effects of jungle juice are usually not worth the benefits. After only about a cup of this concoction, you most likely will end up with your head in a dirty frat house toilet, or naked in some grotesque frat boys’ bed.

BUT, let’s not totally “blame it on the alcohol”... we should probably blame it on the FRAT ATTACK. Why does this happen? Well, have you ever heard of the drug called Xanax? Ever told yourself you would never drink and take Xanax because it is soooo dangerous? Well I hate to break it to you, but if you recall “hitting up fraternity row” one too many times in college, you most likely drank Xanax-induced jungle juice. Think you’re safe if you stay clear of the jungle juice? Don’t be a fucking fool. Frat Bros even put this quickly dissolving drug in bottle of your favorite liquor of choice. Does the vodka the frat bros provided look un-opened and perfectly see-through clear? Well, take it to a scientist and have it tested if you don’t believe me when I say that there is fucking Xanax in there.

Case and point: Veronica is your average sorority girl. She puts on an act of innocence during the day, maintains a 3.5 GPA, volunteers at the local soup kitchens, all of that bullshit, but when Friday night rolls around, not only does the sun go down, but Veronica’s morals do as well. She puts on her one-size-too-small-should-be-a-shirt, wears it as a dress, and skips on over to the frattiest of frats on campus. She thinks she “knows her limit” all too well, and “would never” do drugs, so decides to pour herself a cup of the freshly made jungle juice. She can trust her fellow frat friends, after all they made the drink themselves.

Two hours later, Veronica has managed to make out with two different frat brothers, and finds herself in her bra and thong in the middle of a jello-wrestling contest. Sad thing is that this bitch isn’t going to remember SHIT in the morning. Ladies, this is a clear case of “FRAT ATTACK”. When it comes to jungle juice, “it tastes so good once it hits your lips” that you cannot find it in your heart to put it down. I do give credit to these sneaky and manipulative frat boys who usually get away with these attacks, night after night after night...

Disclaimer: if you have ever been a victim of “FRAT ATTACK” please call our hot line at 1-800-FRAT…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.