Coke Dick

You're a hot girl who's out at a bar and you know tonight is the night you're going to break the dry spell. The DROUGHT is about to be over and your lawn is about to get watered for the first time in a while. You have your eye on someone specific and you know that he's into you. He buys you a few drinks at the bar, but you still make your rounds knowing not to seem too desperate. The clock is about to strike 2 AM and you decide that this is an appropriate time to seal the deal. You are, in fact, in your perfect drunk state, and undoubtedly ready to go home with this guy. You leave the bar together stumbling home anxiously awaiting reaching your destination because he can't stop telling you how badly he wants you. Sounds like the night is going to end well, right?... WRONG.

All of a sudden you find yourself to be a victim of COKE DICK. This guy has done so much coke that his penis is as soft as a bowl full of Jello. The worst part is that there’s absolutely NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.  If Megan Fox was dry humping this kid, his dick would still be flaccid as fuck.

I'm definitely not a hater and I think that everyone has the right to partake in whatever activities make them happy (sometimes it's more appealing to get sloppy and pass out then to end up in someone else's bed), but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD give a girl a fucking warning. Nobody wants to be the innocent bystander in an unfortunate case of COKE DICK. I'd rather not waste my energy trying to "smush" as the cast of "Jersey Shore" would call it and smoke a blunt with my bestie. All I'm saying is, do what you gotta do, but don't waste my FUCKING TIME (literally).